Monday, July 15, 2024

Projectile Exploders And Bleeding Holes: The Cost Of Doing Business

Washington, DC – It has become horrifyingly clear that America has way, way more crazy people than anywhere else. Australia used to have a lot of “mentally ill” folks, but some magical intervention from God seems to have cured most of them. We need to talk to those guys and find out the right incantations. They also can spend much more time thinking and praying about other things than people with bleeding holes all over them. Must be nice.

We Americans need to spend every day offering our thoughts and prayers because all the extra mentally ill citizens here keep putting holes in lots of our fellow citizens who inadvertently got in front of projectiles that came somehow from those afore-mentioned MI (we definitely do like acronyms for diseases) people that were somehow sending out those projectiles.

Sadly, as a nation, since those projectiles (can’t call them bullets) magically just usher forth from some sort of object (can’t call them guns) held by people with the dreaded MI, the only recourse we have must be to make sure that all the folks who are now or who might possibly in the future become afflicted with MI get cured.

Unfortunately, here in the US of A, we don’t have anywhere near enough head doctors to deal with those unfortunates who already need care. Nor are we willing to pay for those in need to get the help they need. Nor do we even enforce laws prohibiting people who we have already determined are ill or who have threatened to or tried to kill their spouses, neighbors, or anyone else from having the weapons.

Don’t ask the Australians because they thought that the not to be named projectile exploders were the problem, and they simply collected those objects and mistakenly concluded that the wildly dramatic decline in people with projectile holes was a result of there being many fewer projectile exploders rather than a miracle healing of their citizens’ minds as a result of extra special prayers and novenas (from RC’s). Those Aussies are really naïve.

We Americans make many kinds of projectile exploders. Little ones that can be made from directions on the internet, medium ones that can be carried around out of sight. Bigger ones that can shoot projectiles from over the shoulder and bigger and bigger and smaller and smaller. We make them flying and crawling. We even make some that can blow up families halfway across the world as if they were avatars in a video game, and we sell these to whomever, whenever, for whatever. We send these everywhere, so that in conflicts large and small, both expensive products we sell that end up in homes and hospitals all over the world. BOOM! We’re #1.

Projectile exploders are very big business. We lunatics, one and all, just need to accept that all those bleeding holes are the cost of doing business. What’s a couple of babies, dozens upon hundreds upon thousands. We, the people, all pay the price. Corporations and politicians, as always, make the profits.

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M.A. Callahan
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